anticipated

i'm waiting and

compulsively tugging

the half inch too long

hair on my neck

perhaps i've always

felt yearning in

greater magnitude

than most

but right now

feels like the first time

i ever wanted that call

from someone

and it's silly because

i wouldn't know

what to do

with it anyway.

phone sex

i wonder how many times i've called

and asked, "whatcha been up to?"

where you replied, "not much and you?"

when but seconds earlier

you were in the throws of

fucking yourself

so hard that

upon answering,

you lost momentary consciousness.

it's been a long time since

you came honestly

in my ear.

hmm...

rain wonder

hit

mute

to find

rain,

refrigerator

humming

hymns.

no room

to write

lately,

boxes,

lawyers,

kids.

so soon

contemplating

mantras,

underpants,

biz.

girl titillating

a new moon,

a fresh man,

mist.

knowledge

for too

long,

and

too sure

of

becoming

just

this.

thank you

for knowing

me

rightfully

as

is.

here's to the journey

with belle

in the bath,

i study

the lines,

the smile,

mirrored in

my image.

there i am

that infamous explorer

drunk and wild,

riding the north star

into storms

and heavens

only adventurers

know.

my first mate beckons

from a sea of bubbles

and i know it's time

to travel downstairs,

downstream -

to find our port and name it

with pen.

goodnight my

sweet love

may the wind

always be at our backs and

the sunshine warm

upon our faces

now

until forever.

shootin' hoop

i've been

engaged to a

mr.

and we played

one-on-one

in a closed court

but that hoop

hung our

knuckle ball

and my dish

ran away with

a spoon

no honey do

list here -

just a, to do

because i'm busy

shootin' free throws

to score a better me

and wonder if mrs.

will ever be a trophy

by my bed

immunity head

sittin' heavy in

a monarch's seat of fear.

like 1918,

this flu is pandemic

and my heart is contagious.

can't sleep

knowing bugs bite

no matter the smile.

grew up beyond death

in the land of never

and damn, i love you

more than dreams allow.

being a parent is hard.

and sometimes harder.

love you my belle.

"miss immunity head."

scorpio's prophecy

i hung up the phone to

a chest full of drawers:

letters, wishes,

drawings and bottles -

wine, musk,

and your peanut sauce

all labeled by year and vintage.

i know:

love is freedom,

love is pain,

love is your hand on my ass,

and my wishful thinking.

be.

and know that this too will pass.

and be again.

i sculpt lines under my eyes

to recall learnings

and to forget the losses -

only to wonder

when scorpio's moon

will be a good vintage.